På dette fjell skal Herren, Allhærs Gud, gjøre et gjestebud for alle folk, et gjestebud med fete retter, et gjestebud med gammel vin, med fete, margfulle retter og gammel, klaret vin.
Jes, 25, 6

Så når jeg endelig er ferdig med skriving for dagen og skal sette meg ned for slappe av, ja, da skriver jeg litt.

Jeg satt akkurat og stresset fælt over en story til Forskning.no som skal trykkes på Fredag. Redaktøren ville ha noen innspill fra en norsk forsker i tillegg til intervjuet jeg gjorde med han australske professoren. Og så plutselig satt jeg her og ventet på at en haug med astrofysikere skulle ringe meg.

Og det er ingen fet situasjon å være i. Null kontroll. Så jeg ringte litt rundt og hørte og endte opp med et par kontaktpersoner. Og så, etter å ha ventet på at folk skulle komme tilbake fra lunch, så fikk jeg plutselig tak i en kar.

Jeg følger ikke så mye med i norsk media om dagen utover noen show på NRK og de store nettavisene så jeg hadde aldri hørt om denne mannen Knut Jørgen Røed Ødegaard. Men han fikk jeg i hvert fall tak i og gjorde et lite intervju. Jeg visste jo ikke at han er The Man i Norge, når det kommer til romforskning og denslags.

Men nå sitter jeg her med en ganske kul story, faktisk, og har fete kilder. Så nå blir sikkert redaktøren fornøyd.

Og jeg sitter nå også på en lang liste nummere og e-postadresser til astrofysikere og romforskere av alle slag. De kan sikkert brukes til noe i fremtiden hvis jeg lurer på noe rart noe.

Skal en tur på ferie til helgen, til Wellington. En liten helgetur bare med avslapning og bestemorbesøk. Gleder meg veldig.

VOKSENRADIO/LANGHELG/UNIVERSET/MAORI NYTTÅR/W.E.D.

Hodet hans ble båret inn på et fat og gitt til jenta, og hun bar det til sin mor.
Matt, 14, 11

Satt akkurat og hørte på meg selv på Kulturnytt på NRK. Følte meg SKIKKELIG voksen der et par minutter. Dette er definitivt det mest voksne programmet jeg noensinne har vært del i. Neste mål er å komme i et av programmene til utenriksredaksjonen. Vi får se neste uke.

Jeg har nemlig et par fete stories på menyen til uka. World Environment Day holdes her i landet og det skjer med brask og bram og hauger av menn i dress. Jeg har fått tilgang til et par events og drar dit med opptageren og kameraet mitt og ser hva jeg får til.

Det er også Maori Nyttår, eller Matariki, neste uke. Jeg skal på et par arrangementer og sånn og regner med å få laget en fin radioreportasje om det. Det kan bli en fin litt soft story om noe uvanlig og ukjent. Kulturnytt vil sikkert ha noe sånt. Jeg tar med kamera her og så kanskje jeg kan gjøre noe skriftlig for et blad eller noe hvis NRK ikke er keen.

Så neste uke blir stress og jobb. Men det er moro. Skal ha en langhelg i Wellington og får nok slappet ordentlig av. Vi skal besøke bestemora til min Deiligere Halvdel. Gleder meg til det. Har aldri vært i hovedstaden før og den skal visst være vakker.

Nå sitter jeg egentlig og venter på at en kar fra Romsenteret skal kontakte meg. Jeg trenger noen kommentarer til en story jeg gjør for Forskning.no som handler litt om liv i universet og sånn. Spennende saker.

KARRIERE/NRK RADIO/KJØRING

Jeg pitchet den Fiji-reportasjen min til et par programmer i NRK i går. Deretter satte jeg meg rolig ned, foldet hendene, tok meg et glass rødvin, spiste ravioli og så på Notes of a Scandal sammen med min finere halvdel. En knallgod film forresten.

Jeg fikk først et avslag fra programmet Kurér, men fikk også tips av vaktsjef Ida om å kontakte Kulturnytt og Utenriksredaksjonen. Så det gjorde jeg. Ti minutter senere fikk jeg svar fra begge, og begge var interressert!

Så nå sitter jeg her med to tilbud. Egentlig så har jeg jo mest lyst til å selge til Utenriksredaksjonen men jeg tror Kulturnytt er et bedre sted for denne reportasjen. Jeg får se. De blir i alle fall et av stedene.

Jeg fikk også et tilbud fra forskning.no i går om å skrive en artikkel om et forsøk hvor forskere har puttet tasmansk tiger-DNA inn i en levende mus for å se hva som skjer. Så shit skjer på Bernhard-fronten om dagen.

Etter tre måneder uten sjef viser det seg at frilansing definitivt kan være en levevei. Det blir ikke BMW og duplex med det første, men jeg har i hvert fall ikke noen sjef.

Jeg skal ha kjøretime nr. 2 klokken to i dag. Dette kan være siste gang noen hører fra meg.

PEPPERY PLETHORA PLANNING PROTEST/SURVIVING DRIVING LESSON # 1

Behold, he shall come up as clouds, and his chariots shall be as a whirlwind: his horses are swifter than eagles. Woe unto us! for we are spoiled.
Jeremiah, 4, 13

Just made it back alive after my first Official Driving Lesson. Yup. I drove a car - a shitty little Toyota Corolla - along the waterfront in Auckland towards Mission Bay and around in the residential area in the back there.

I can’t wait to get this thing locked down so that I can get my full license. I’ll probably spend around NOK3000 altogether, which is ridiculously little compared to what I’d pay back home. It’s not uncommon to pay at least seven times that in Norway.

And that is a hell of a lot of money. Plus that you have to do all these compulsory driving lessons there, as far as I know. Here you just get a learners license, and three months after you can do the driving test for a restricted one. They sort of leave it up to you. I’ll probably get at least ten of these lessons though. I don’t want to fail the driving test - I’ll probably be pissing my pants out of nervousness and I don’t want to piss my pants more than once.

The news this morning went great. I got compliments all around and felt that I read with a “real sense of urgency” as the editor called it. I really made it sound as if it was the NEWS, and that what I was saying was IMPORTANT SHIT. Reading again tomorrow at noon. Hopefully there are some good stories out there. Feel like doing some cool interviews tomorrow.

My story on the writers festival will be played on air tomorrow too. Exciting stuff.

There was a new dude in the newsroom this morning. A journalist student who had done an exchange to Denmark and he was now in his last year. He really tried to write news with flowery language. One of his sentences was something like

“A plethora of peppery Emos are planning a protest ets. etc. “

And I was like “dude, that’s gonna sound like rap when on air, you seriously need to get rid of one of the P-words”

So he deleted the “peppery” and switched out “plethora” with “group” or something and we went on. A little bit too intense language for the 7am news… But at least he’s trying. It’s a nice change to have to edit away flowery language rather than having to deal with spelling mistakes and syntax errors.

Tonight I’ll write a story on the DNA of the extinct Tasman tiger and how they put it into a mouse to see what happened. A freaky Jurassic Park-style story. It should go down well with Forskning.no. I’m turning that place into a reliable cash cow getting about an article a week in there. Hopefully I can keep it like that for a while. If not I’m fucked. This radio-shit is taking a lot of time and doesn’t pay extremely well. But it’s fun.

And for my so-called career I suppose it’s so-called smart.

Please NRK, buy my shit.

HOW NOT TO BE A REPORTER PT. 2

HOW NOT TO BE A REPORTER PT. 1

COOLEST STREET ART AROUND/BLU/GRAFITTI-ANIMATION-GALORE

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

WRITERS FESTIVAL/NERDER MED BRILLER/IGNORERT AV REDAKTØRER

Auckland Writers and Readers Festival er en sammenkomst av folk hvor brilletettheten er usedvanlig høy. Nå har jeg aldri vært på en sånn festival før, men jeg kommer sikkert til å dra på flere. Det er alltid interressant å høre på interressante mennesker snakke om noe interressant, for å si det sånn.

Dagen i dag startet med festivalens superstjerne - vinner av Nobels litteraturpris i 2003, J. M. Coetzee. Han leste høyt fra noen av bøkene sine - rått og minimalistisk språk med en mørk humor men en intens nærhet og ømhet.

Jeg sjekka ut Open Mike-arrangementet mens jeg tok en kaffe i første etasje. Her kunne hippier og unge håpefulle poeter og spoken word artister prøve seg foran et publikum av hippier og unge håpefulle. Noe spennende og usedvanlig morsomt, mye pretensiøst pisspreik om eksistensialisme.

Paneldiskusjonen med en gjeng newzealandske voksen- og ungdomsforfattere var spennende. Her var det mye snakk om hvorfor de skriver som de gjør, mye forfatterteknikk og refleksjoner. Bernard Beckett var svært artig å høre på - det er forfriskende å lytte til en ungdomsbokforfatter som sier at nei, han leser ikke ungdomsbøker, fordi han ikke er femten lenger.

Men dagens mest spennende diskusjon var en ekstremt nerdete paneldiskusjon nede i kjelleren på Aotea-senteret. Her røk en geolog, en biogeografiker og en arkeolog i tottene på hverandre over hvor New Zealands flora og fauna kommer fra, hva som skjedde med det forhistoriske kjempekontinentet Gondwana og i hvilken grad klimaforandringer er menneskeskapt.

Jeg fikk tatt opp mye lyd i dag og forhåpentligvis kan jeg sette det sammen til en kul pakke for 95bFM. Jeg prøvde å kontakte Ny Tid for å høre om de kunne være interresserte i et intervju med Coetzee eller noen av de andre forfatterne på konferansen men som vanlig så blir jeg ignorert av det bladet der. Det er enten eller hos Ny Tid. Enten så får jeg svar på mail innen en time, med gode tilbakemeldinger og positive signaler. Eller så blir jeg ignorert og glemt. Begynner å bli lei. NRK Radio, her kommer jeg.

INTERVIEW WITH SELF ON LATEST DEVELOPMENTS MAY O8

EVIL TWIN:
I understand that since the last time we did this you've had some success in the world of freelance journalism? So now what? Do you think you're good or something?

ME:
First of all, thanks, yeah, I have had a bit of success. I sold a story on monday to that science publication 've been writing for – and this was a piece I just put together and sent off without any pitching or sales signals. Always great with a bit of a surprise sale. And then, yesterday, I sold my first radio-documentary to Norwegian public radio. All very exciting – and once again it was sold without any previous arrangements. So yeah, I sort of think I'm good now. I have a bit of confidence about my ability to do stories. Especially in the radio-field. I have done radio for broadcasting before but never on public radio – it feels nice to know that my work meets their standards. But this newfound confidence will undoubtedly fade quite quickly – it is a harsh gig this thing. So what now? We are working on a pretty heavy political thing for radio about the military coup in Fiji and what the junta is doing with the media there. I got some new contacts now at NRK so I hope I can sell that one too. We're also doing an English version for Radio NZ or BBC or whoever wants it. Now, that is exciting and a great barrier to breach. And then there's the prostitution story...

EVIL TWIN:
Yeah, I heard about that. You sure that's not just an excuse to visit brothels and meet with hookers on a regular basis?

ME:
Well... I'm actually quite scared of hookers, believe it or not. I feel intimidated by a lady when she has to postpone a meeting because she has a “job” coming up at 1pm... But the story looks interesting and hopefully I'll be able to put together something good for Norwegian media. I want to sell it to a big women's magazine but the last story I sent to them has been with hem for over a month now. No feedback, no nothing, although I cleared t with them before I did it. I dunno what to do. I may try another magazine or newspaper. Maybe one of those weekend-things in one of the tabloids are interested...

EVIL TWIN:
But this prostitution thing... hasn't that story been done to death?

ME:
No, I don't think so. What I'm trying to do is to look at what happens when prostitution is legalised. It seems that not much happens at all, actually. It's still totally socially unacceptable to be a hooker, to buy one is still frowned upon, and most prostitutes are still drug addicts and ive very much on the fringe of society. The only difference seems to be that now when it's legal, the government doesn't care about it anymore. This means that they're not actively working to prevent underage prostitution for example. It's perceived as being OK, when in fact the whole industry is full of crime and abuse.

EVIL TWIN:
So what you're saying is that making it legal doesn't change anything?

ME:
That's right. By legalising it the industry is just swiped under the rug and forgotten about. It is allowed to just grow into whatever it becomes.

EVIL TWIN:
Hmmm... that actually sounds pretty interesting... But how can you write about this with any authority and understanding unless you actually try some of their services? It's not exactly Gonzo, is it? To just “talk” to people and transcribe their comments? What happened to going into the story?

ME:
Well... didn't analyse the platypus genome either, and I managed to get a story published on that. I didn't apologise to the aboriginal people in Australia either. Nor did I set up my own radio station for the LPFM-story for NRK... And I'm not trying to be a Gonzo, really. I love reading it but I don't think it's for me. Maybe in some years when I'm more confident about my writing and journalistic abilities. Right now I'm just trying to get published in a range of publications, make a living, do what I want to do. I really don't think that hanging out with the Mongrel Mob for a year doing an exposé is up my alley at the moment. But perhaps in the future.

EVIL TWIN:
But don't you have to show some balls if you want that “break”? I mean, if you're gonna write something people will remember you have to take some chances, don't you? You can't just pick up the phone and ask people to “explain the situation”?

ME:
True. But I've only been doing this freelance-gig for couple of months and I'm still working on finding my niche too. Right now it looks like radio-documentaries can be my thing. And that can be done with a bit of Gonzo-attitude. For radio you have to “go there”. You can't really do a 15 minute doco with sound clips from phone conversations... You have to do something and “go there”. Radio also has a lot of room for ambience and sound illustrations. I like that. You can paint pretty cool images with sound. Humour, fear, sincerity – all these feelings can be illustrated with sound. I find that fascinating.

EVIL TWIN:
That's just because you can sit in front of your computer and play around with sound effects from that huge library of yours like a geek.

ME:
Yeah, well, I love that stuff, putting together sound montages and skits. But it's also a it boring... After a few months of working from home you do get a bit sick of sitting in front of the screen. What is really fun is to go out there, talk to different people, to conferences, to their weird workplaces, offices, studios and houses, to meet random people with a purpose, you know. Like yesterday I found myself at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Auckland doing an interview with the former vice president of Fiji, the dude who was toppled by the military coup in 06, and he spoke really frankly, totally straight forward – exactly what I wanted. I met two cool chicks from a pacific radio station, I shook hands with some Sir who was part of writing the Fijian constitution etc. etc. There's a lot of random things happening. That's what I like about this gig.

EVIL TWIN:
And the free food and drinks at the conferences of course.

ME:
Of course.

RADIO GA-GA

Hurra!
Jeg solgte akkurat min første radioreportasje til NRK!

Dette er stort. For meg.

Lagde egentlig denne reportasjen uten noe form for signal om salg eller interresse så det er ekstra kult at de bare kjøpte den ut av det blå. Så nå er jeg på godfot med en redaktør for et show der og jeg fikk også noen andre nummere og e-poster til andre redaktører for mer heavy og politisk stoff.

Prisen er ikke akkurat til å bli millionær av men det går fint. Nå vet jeg i hvert fall at det går an. Den neste radioreportasjen går nok til et annet show. Den er snart ferdig også - regner med å ha all lyden jeg trenger før helgen, og så får vi se hvordan jeg gjør det med redigeringen. Det trenger ikke ta så lang tid. Begynner å få litt peling også siden jeg også redigerer storyene til Svensken - blir bedre og bedre på det her.

Fikk også solgt inn en story til i dag til forskning.no så vi får se når den kommer på trykk. Ting begynner å løsne litt igjen her nede. Nå har det plutselig ikke så mye å si om jeg får den jobben eller ikke - den jeg var i intervjuer til forrige uke Frilansing er forferdelig spennende. Spesielt nå som jeg plutselig har to medier å jobbe med :)

FIJIFEATURE/RADIOROT/TILFELDIGHETSTING

Så vi er midt i en story om mediasituasjonen i Fiji. Vi har intervjuet noen key-players og i dag var vi og sjekka ut en Fiji Cultural Festival ved Auckland University. Vi fikk tatt opp litt bra audio, noe sang og commotion som vi kommer til å bruke. Vi intervjuet også visepresidenten i universitetets Fiji-klubb. Et greit intervju.

Men... Det er alltid overraskende for en norsk journalist å høre at folk forsvarer statlig kontroll av media og meninger. Han karen vi intervjuet i dag sa at han ikke støttet de Fijianske militærmyndigheters forsøk på å kneble journalister, men i samme setning sier han at myndighetene gjør dette for å "forhindre panikk og kaos".

Som om en fri presse fører til kaos... Jeg hørte dette argumentet mange ganger da jeg studerte i Malaysia, hvor kontrollen over media er total. Og kanskje er det noe i det?

Det var også fascinerende å høre hvor opptatt denne visepresidenten er av å få frem at denne uroen i Fiji "bare er politisk". Som om politikk er totalt separert fra vanlige folks liv... Men, bor man i et land hvor det er militærkupp hvert femte år så føler man seg kanskje ganske distansert fra politikk.

Jeg er klar over at Fiji er delt opp etter rase. Alt har med rase å gjøre, spesielt politisk. De innfødte krever mer rettigheter enn inderne og kineserne. Europeerne styrer fortsatt showet bak scenen. Men jeg prøver å ikke fokusere så mye på dette i storyen. Allikevel var det det eneste visepresidenten snakket om. Jeg nevnte ikke rase en eneste gang og han svarte noe om rase på alle spørsmålene mine. Kanskje vinkelen min må endres litt...

Vi ringte en fijiansk reporter som holder til her i byen og hørte om et intervju. Hun inviterte oss med på en forelesning som skal holdes om noen dager. En høytstående fijiansk kar skal snakke om mediasituasjonen på Crown Plaza. Forhåpentligvis vil vi få noen gode intervjuer der og med noen andre key players. Dette kan bli en god story.

Nok en gang ser alt ut til å falle på plass. Jeg begynner med en story, fordyper meg og intervjuer nøkkelpersoner og så faller ting på plass - saken blir nyhetsverdig og kilder fører til andre og bedre kilder. Vi begynte denne storyen i går, gjorde hovedintervjuene, og så fant vi ut at det var en kulturfestival for fijianere i dag, og så er det plutselig en konferanse om fijiansk pressefrihet på torsdag... Tilfeldighetene er på min side. Endelig.

NZ: BAN LIFTED ON SUICIDE-BOOK

So, the ban has been lifted on the Peaceful Pill Handbook by the doctor with the coolest nickname ever, Philip Nitschke, also known as Dr. DEATH(!).

This book breaks down how to kill yourself in a easy, clean, and efficient way. They're even putting out little instruction videos on YouTube, like this one, on how to make a so-called exit bag - a bag that makes it easier to breathe in pure helium gas. And then you die.

Here in NZ the book will carry an 18+ rating and will be sealed so that suicidal folks can't go into the book shop and do some browsing and then go kill themselves.

The so-called pro-life group (who the fuck isn't pro-life, really?) called Right to Life says that the book incites people to commit suicide, that it's telling depressed and mentally unstable people how to end it all. As if people don't know this already? It's not very hard.

For some reason we started talking about autocides yesterday - to jump out in front of a moving car to kill yourself. There was a doctor at the table who said "God, to kill yourself is so damn easy. Even slashing your wrists doesn't hurt."

As far as I know it's pretty rare to put such a hard core rating on a book. I also think it is pretty retarded to believe that a book can incite people to kill themselves. If you really want to do it there are plenty of ways.

VOICE-OVER JOBBING/LETTJENTE PENGER

I dag tjente jeg de letteste $100 noensinne. Lovlig. Og uten et fnugg av risiko. For et par måneder siden registrerte jeg meg hos et voice-over firma. Hvis de noensinne trenger norske stemmer så er jeg mannen de ringer. I går ringte de.

Så jeg dro ut tl Glen Eden - i tjukkeste suburbia i vest-Auckland - til en rar tysker med en hjemmelagd voice-booth på kontoret sitt. Han gir meg seks sider tekst og ber meg lese det som står med større tekst.

Det er sikkerhetsrutiner og instruksjoner til Shell Aviation. Stemmen min skal bli lagt oppå en film som skal forklare folk hvordan de skal fylle bensin på fly, hva de skal passe på for ikke å skade seg selv eller andre.

Jeg leser teksten. Jeg har gjort mye radio i mitt liv, mye v.o. for film også, så det går forholdsvis knirkefritt. Det var et par avsnitt der jeg måtte lese et par ganger, og det var også noe som var latterlig dårlig skrevet. Det er i det hele tatt vanskeligere å lese noe du ikke har skrevet selv også. Men det tok meg rundt en halv time totalt - lese gjennom hele greia og så høre på det og sjekke at det ikke var noe feil noe sted.

Da jeg var ferdig ga den rare tyskeren meg to $50 sedler og sa at de vanligvis betaler $100 timen - eller for jobben. Ganske bra. Det er en hel haug her i landet. Forhåpentligvis kommer det flere slike jobber fremover.

INTERVIEW WITH SELF ON INTERVIEWS ET. AL/INSOMNIA/HUNTER'S SHOES

EVIL TWIN:
So, this is the new way of letting off steam, huh? To let your own Evil Twin interview you as if you're a fucking celebrity or something!?

ME:
I don't know if I write to let off steam, but yeah, I thought it would be fun to do an interview like this. There's a first for everything, right? I also just read some Norman Mailer and he did this thing all the time, it seemed to work for him, so why not for me?

EVIL TWIN:
Because Norman Mailer is a fucking celebrity, you moron. He is one of America's most celebrated authors and journalists and it could be argued that you're a pretty pathetic man trying to imitate his style of writing. Anyway. Why this interview form? What exactly is it that you want to talk about?

ME:
I'm not really sure, that's why I chose this form, so that I could just answer your questions.

EVIL TWIN:
All right, here we go. Once again you've just started to type without knowing where you're going with this. We're gonna sit here all night. What the hell are you still doing up anyway?

ME:
I'm up because I have about 300 outstanding issues in my brain this evening. I just sent off an article - waiting for feedback on that one. I sent off a radio doco earlier today - waiting for feedback on that too. I just prompted another editor an an article I wrote about a month ago that he said he would publish but I haven't heard anything. And then there's still another article - the longest one I've ever written - and I'm waiting for the editor to get back to me on that one too.

EVIL TWIN:
Oh, boo-hoo. Poor you. Don't you know that people in offices don't do jack shit on fridays? You've worked in an office, as if you would've read an article right away and provided feedback on a sunny friday in may? Fuck, you wouldn't even be at work on a day like this.

ME:
True. Another reason I can't really sleep is that damn job interview I went to today. I really think I can get this one I just hope I didn't fuck it up.

EVIL TWIN:
Why would you have fucked it up? You've been to a thousand of these damn things, shouldn't you know how to do it by now?

ME:
I'm just not entirely happy about how I answered some of their questions but hopefully they could see that I was a bit nervous. I actually told them that I was nervous too - I said I was a bit nervous because I really want this job.

EVIL TWIN:
Do you think that was a good tactic? Doesn't that seem a bit pussy?

ME:
I dunno... See? This is why I can't sleep this evening. Plus, I had too much coffee earlier when I was trying to finish off that article on social mapping and abused kids.

EVIL TWIN:
Yeah, what's up with that? You're freelancing for chrissake and you write about depressing stuff like that? Why don't you write about something cool?

ME:
Maybe I'm desperate to be taken seriously. Or maybe I just write about whatever pays. I think it's a bit of both. And I actually find some of these things interesting. I'm not really into celebs and sensation-stories, you should know that more than anyone. Like the couple of stories I pitched to that science place just now - one on the decoding of the platypus genome and that other one on those tests done on prison inmates that showed how lack of self-control was a major reason why they got involved in crime - that shit is interesting. I think so anyway.

EVIL TWIN:
Do you REALLY find this shit interesting or do you say you do just to seem smart or something? Wouldn't you rather just smoke drugs and play GTA IV?

ME:
Of course. But I have no drugs, nor an Xbox or Playstation.

EVIL TWIN:
That can all be arranged. Do I sense some "I am a grown up now, I don't do that stuff anymore"-bullshit here?


ME:
Perhaps. And I've never had one of those machines. Do you remember when I installed Civilization 3 or whatever it was on my PC? Fuck, I didn't study for weeks. I get too addicted to games like that. And to drugs. A combination of the two would be a catastrophe for me right now. I have enough problems trying to keep my head straight enough to try and come up with fucking stories and angles.

EVIL TWIN:
I think we should go to bed now, man. It's getting late. But before we do that, what do you have against that whole Hunter S. Thompson Converse campaign? Isn't it cool that some big brand like that actually uses Someone in their ads rather than some skinny kid with bad tattoos? Don't you think bringing the Good Doctor into pop culture in that way will make his work and persona more accessible to the mainstream? Or are you so pretentious that you want to keep this God of journalism out of reach to the general public?

ME:
I just find it a bit offensive to use him like that, with his cigarette and scotch in hand, next to the singer of Green Day. He's dead. He killed himself. For the last couple of decades before he died he was constantly writing about the Death of the American Dream and now he's up there with a kid with bad tattoos, James Dean, and a rapper campaigning for shoes. I just think it's bad taste. In my view he is one of the great writers of the 21st century, not a model. It's true that the campaign may open up some kid's eyes to his genious, but I don't think it's the right way of doing it. I'd rather see that kid watching Fear & Loathing or picking up a copy of Hell's Angels. But maybe I'm just a romantic idiot. Maybe I'm getting old.

EVIL TWIN:
I think you are. You're even talking to yourself now.

HUNTER/CONVERSE/DAMN EDITORS & OTHER EMPLOYERS/PAT BATEMAN

“They that were full have hired out themselves for bread; and they that were hungry ceased: so that the barren hath born seven; and she that hath many children is waxed feeble.”
Sam, 2, 5

I saw the new Converse campaign today and I can’t fucking believe they’re using a photo of Hunter S. Thompson. What’s next? P.J. O’Rourke in a Diesel ad? Norman Mailer in a Gatorade campaign?

I didn’t know political journalists were such hot marketing vessels. But, what the hell do I know anyway. Nothing. I know nothing.

Just sent off a radio documentary to the public broadcaster in Norway about the low powered radio-thing they’ve got going here in NZ. Pretty interesting stuff. Of course I’m gonna think it’s interesting. I fucking made it. But, according to objective journalistic criteria it also has a certain amount of news value the right amount of depth, and so on and so on. Now buy it pleeeaaase.

Damn editors and other people in power! I just went to The Second Interview(!) for this job that I REALLY want today. God knows if I’ll get it. hope, pray and beg that I’ll get it and I’ll know by the end of next week.

They called from a voice over place today and asked if I could do some stuff tomorrow. It should be easy money - just speak into a mic for half an hour - make $100. If only I could that EVERY half an hour.

I’ll watch some American Psycho now. Just coming up to the scene where Pat Bateman fucks the two prostitutes while watching himself in the mirror. Classic scene. Not as classic as the next one, when they’re all lying in bed, sleeping, and Bateman wakes up and says “do not touch the watch”.

NY ERA I BERNHARDIA/JOBBJAKT/RADIO

Alt det han gjør, skal lykkes for ham.
Slik er det ikke med de ugudelige.
Sal, 1, 3 & 4

Bernhardia kan være på randen av en ny era nå. Det kan det være forskjellige grunner til. Enten så lander jeg den jobben i morgen som media manager for en enorm internasjonal organisasjon som redder verden eller så lander jeg den ikke. Hvis jeg får den så er en ny era helt klart i gang.

Jeg er så optimist og pessimist på en gang at jeg får vondt i huet. Jeg kan se for meg at jeg får den jobben – og skal jeg dømme ut i fra det første inervjuet så er det nesten bænkers. Jeg klikka skikkelig med sjefen og vi satt og prata i evigheter etter at intervjuet liksom var over. Samtidig så er jeg jo realistisk – jeg har minimalt med lokal erfaring, noe som er dritviktig her i landet. Men jeg krysser fingrene og ber til jobbintervjuguden om nåde. I morgen klokka elleve skal jeg i møte med sjefen igjen – og en IT-kar som er tidligere journalist – og Gud vet hva vi skal prate om. Spennende blir det uansett.

Enten så får jeg solgt den radiodokumentaren jeg har jobbet med de siste dagene eller så blir jeg sittende med den i fanget. Får jeg ikke solgt den så legger jeg bare på engelsk voice over og sender den på stasjonen hvor jeg leser nyheter – men da får jeg ikke betalt.

Hvis ingen av disse tingene går som de “skal” så er jeg kanskje ikke på randen av en ny era, men det føles som om noe er i ferd med å skje her.

Jeg og svensken satte i gang med et nytt prosjekt i går. Vi skal lage en radiodokumentar om situasjonen på Fiji. Jeg har opparbeidet meg noen ganske fete kilder som jeg nesten må få brukt til et eller annet. Vi satser på en engelsk for det lokale markedet – eller for BBC. Jeg tviler på at NRK er interressert i en reportasje om media på Fiji under militærdiktaturet...

Man kan jo begynne å lure på hvorfor i helvete det er slik. Men sånn er det. Jeg må bare innordne meg etter det. Og prøve å pushe konvolutten som det heter.

Det er også gode konkrete nyheter på frilansfronten – jeg har en ny klient! Jeg skriver nå jevnlig for en forskningsportal om research og akademiske greier fra denne siden av verden. Fett for meg som er litt sånn hemmelig akademisk nerd og synes nesten alt er dritinterressant. Det er en dritbra ting å ha i den uendelige porteføljen jeg setter sammen. Gudene vet hva jeg skal bruke denne porteføljen til men den er sikkert grei å ha en dag.

Redaktøren min på radioen her nede prøvde å få meg og svensken inn på en frilanserkonferanse som holdes her i byenn i dag, men det gikk ikke. Ganske døvt, det hadde vært fett å se hva andre frilansere her nede driver med. Men det holdes en Writer's Festival her nede snart og den skal vi inn på. Må sjekke programmet og se om det er noen store internasjonale forfattere som kommer, kanskje jeg kan gjøre en story for det norske markedet også.

Nå sitter jeg på campuset til Auckland Uni og later som om jeg er student. Mye naïve drittunger her som tror verden er deres østers eller hva det heter. Kul atmosfære. Om noen minutter går jeg opp i studio og forbereder dagens tolv-nyheter. Forhåpentligvis er det noen kule stories i dag. Har lyst til å gjøre noen bra intervjuer i dag.

Blir mer og mer komfortabel i studioet for hver dag. Det er dødsnoia å lese morgennyhetene når Mike Havoc, etter tretten tusen kopper kaffe, skriker og kødder i vei, avbryter meg midt i setningene og kommenterer nyhetene mens jeg leser dem. Men han er en kjempegod radiomann. En av de beste i landet.

Fikk en melding av en venninne av kjæresten i går. Hun hørte meg på radioen! Det er like sprøtt hver gang. Jeg vet jo at det sitter tusenvis av folk og hører på men at det er ekte mennesker, som jeg kanskje til og med kjenner, er like overraskende hver gang.

INTERNET/ADAM CURTIS/THE SECOND INTERVIEW

“There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.”
Gen, 6, 4

So fucking internet doesn’t fucking work. Well. What are you gonna do. Guess I’ll have to party like it’s 1989 then.

I think I know why it doesn’t work too. Just as I was reading e-mails ths morning I decided to watch some of Adam Curtis’ The Trap while having breakfast. Now, this documentary is, as far as I know, about how the government divides and conquers its people. Obviously that wasn’t very popular with The Man here in NZ.

In other news… I finished production on a mad track today. I think this one could be a decent banger but due to internet being down no one can hear it at this point except my close neighbours.

I have been invited to Le Zecond Ynterview for that job I went for last week. This is great news. I really, really want that job. Hopefully I won’t look/sound/seem to desperate on friday when I’m meeting with them again.

I always find it hard to keep it cool in job interviews. Obviously I don’t want to kep it too cool – I want them to understand that I want the job. But, then again, I don’t want to seem like I can’t get another job.

Freelancing is going well. I just got another story published. This time in northern Europe’s largest science portal, http://www.forskning.no. This is pretty big for me. It’s the first time I’ve written a story on science and they loved it. That’s what they said anyway. They said it was “well written”. I know this doesn’t really mean that I’m the new Capote or Faulkner since the person who said it was a scientist, but it’s still nice to hear.

Yup internet is back up. I’m having soup for dinner.

REAL MEN/HOMOPHOBICS ARE THE REAL FAGGOTS

And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

Rev, 2, 7

So another so-called Real Man is worried that his fellow country men has turned into a bunch of moisturizing-wearing, pink shirt-donning faggots. This time it's Aussie rugby legend Mal Malinga who, in a fit of retardendess, says that Australian men should be ashamed of themselves.

"Whatever happened to all the real men in Australia?" he asks.

I dunno Mal, but they sure as hell didn't become spokesmen for Kirks Brewed Ginger Beer, like you did.

I always find it hilarious and pathetic when Real Men try to tell us all how we're supposed to live our lives. And what does the bitter old rugby legend, now ginger beer spokesman, Mal Malinga base this shit on? On anecdotal evidence. Well... There's certainly enough anecdotal evidence out there to say that people like him - the Real Men - are the REAL faggots. We all know what goes on the ass-slapping locker rooms, man.

I've been there. It's fucking gay, that's what it is. When so-called Real Men go out to have a good time you can be certain that you'll get mooned, someone will take their shirt off, they'll joke around with nakedness, gay shit and intimacy.

Homophobics are they gayest guys around. I base this on anecdotal evidence and hanging out with engineering students during my university years.

Anyway, here's a list of things any man should be able to do, according to Popular Mechanics. I've put an X next to the ones I can do myself.

1. Patch a radiator hose
2. Protect your computer X
3. Rescue a boater who has capsized X
4. Frame a wall
5. Retouch digital photos X
6. Back up a trailer
7. Build a campfire X
8. Fix a dead outlet
9. Navigate with a map and compass X
10. Use a torque wrench
11. Sharpen a knife X
12. Perform CPR X
13. Fillet a fish X
14. Manoeuvre a car out of a skid
15. Get a car unstuck
16. Back up data X
17. Paint a room X
18. Mix concrete
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle X
20. Change oil and filter
21. Hook up an HDTV X
22. Bleed brakes
23. Paddle a canoe X
24. Fix a bike flat X
25. Extend your wireless network X

That's pretty good, I reckon. I don't have a license nor a car, so forgive me if I don't know all the car-shit. But at least I know how to clean a gun.

There's nothing in there about how to please a woman. I can do that too.

GTA IV/CONSERVATIVE KIDS

Come, let Us go down and there confuse their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech.
Gen, 11, 7

Oh, my God! Or OMG as they say. What's the fuzz about GTA4 again? That it's a violent video game? Fuck, didn't we have discussions when GTA1, 2, 3 and when ALL the damn games in between came as well!?

Well, it's a violent video game... And that's it... Now move on. Parents are gonna buy it for their kids, but some parents also lock their kids up in their cellar for 24 years, rape them, and threaten to gas them if they squeal.

Some parents give their kids drugs. Some don't give their kids anything. Fuck, I even saw one of those white-trash moms on the bus here the other day with a pram - in it sat a fat little baby eating lollipops and shit. The kid was probably one year old and had rotten teeth before they've even grown out.

So should we ban fucking lollipops!? No. Parents buying GTA4 for their 8 year olds is not a reason to ban the game. That doesn't even make sense. Parents are retards, like most people. Get used to it.

And so fucking what if they buy it to their kids anyway!? There's no established link between violent games/movies/music and actual violence and aggression. Whatsoever. None. NO LINK. Researchers and fucking professors in behavioral psychology and all kinds of nerds have been trying to prove this a thousand times. They can't.

I used to work as a media teacher at a high school. Every now and then I tried to pick the students' brain a little bit and make them think just a tiny little bit. So one day, while doing a course on censorship in media, I asked them what they thought about porn on TV all day, violence in movies etc. etc. I tried to make them think about where the buck should stop.

They were ultra-conservatives. They seemed to think that people couldn't think for themselves at all. I tried to tell them that, if I wanted to, shouldn't I be allowed to watch porn/violence/play violent computer games etc. as long as it doesn't hurt anyone?

They hadn't really thought about it that way. They're so used to having a government choosing what they can watch/play and not that they had lost faith in grown ups' right to choose for themselves and their children.

Quite scary, if you ask me. Kids nowadays expect the government to screen everything, ban shit, tell you what to do.

They think that everyone is dumber and more easily affected by violence than themselves. You know, oh, I'm not really affected by video games, but it should still be a rating on them.

I asked them whether that's not pretty damn condescending, to think that everyone is more stupid than you are. I don't know if they agreed... I thought young people were supposed to be all radical but the ones I taught were fucking conservatives. I suppose that's what living in the world's wealthiest social democracy does to you.

HATE/HILLARY/SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE?/CANNED SCREAMING

And I gave her space to repent of her fornication; and she repented not.
Rev, 2, 21

Fuck, I hate it when hosts on shows like So You Think You can Dance end their sentences by speaking slower and s-l-o-w-e-r and louder and LOUDER, because they know they are getting a massive applause. Hillary Clinton does it too. A lot. I fucking hate it.

How hard can it possibly be to get 10.000 sugar high eleven-year-olds to scream when you hold up a sign that says SCREAM NOW!!!!! And also after an hour of indoctrination into the antics of “how to behave as an audience on TV” with free lollies and coke for everyone.

It’s about as hard as it is to get 10.000 democrats to scream when you put 30.000 watts of lights in their face, a million white pigeons, two thousand american flags, and you stand on a stage with people of ALL RACES AND CREEDS behind you and then you end your sentence with “We’ll get there by staying and fighting and s-t-a-n-d-i-n-g u-p FOR WHAT WE B-E-L-I-E-V-E I-N!!!”

It’s like a fucking canned laughter. No, it’s worse, actually. Canned laugter is just canned laughter. The applause on So You Think You can Dance and Hillary Clinton’s campaign trail is supposed to be so fucking EPIC. Every single time. Every little fucking insignificant and braindead thing like a dance by REESE(!), like who the fuck IS Reese!? Or a sentence that sounds like it’s taken out of Tony Robbins’ shit, so insanely uninspiring and cliché, and Hillary stands there in her ugly-as red pant-suit and 10.000 people just fucking SSCCCRRRREEEEEAAAAAAMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do they scream? Because they’re supposed to, that’s why.